An Overwhelming Feeling of Dread

When talking on the phone with my husband today, he mentioned that I sounded depressed. I said "I think I am, but I don't know why". He then replied, "you always get like this before you go on a trip". I realized that he was right.

You see, I love going to see my kids and grand kids. I miss them soooooo much .

BUT

I'm afraid to fly, and airports bring about a panic that I can barely conceal. Still, this is something much more. It's a dark, deep seeded feeling. It washes over me a few days before my planned departure. It's opressive. I feel like I can't breathe. Melancholy? Maybe thats a good word to describe it.

I don't feel this way when Steve is going with me, only when I leave on my own. When he goes off on a trip, I miss him terribly - BUT - I don't have this feeling of gloom and doom. Is it because, when I am at home, I am surrounded with his things? Surrounded by "the familiar"...


...a book left on his bedside table, his shirt hanging on the back of the closet door, his cologne on the bathroom counter?

I don't know.

I'll enjoy being with my daughters. I'll kiss my grandchildren until they push me away. I'll laugh, and eat, and probably shop. Then when it's time to go back home, I'll wonder how I can leave them.

BUT

An invisible bond will pull me. Pull me back to the man that I love, my best friend, my everything. Because, he is home. My home...filled with the familiar.

Worry Should Be My Middle Name

I worry about EVERYTHING! I'm not kidding. If I was paid to worry I'd be a gazillionaire. Lately I've been worried about such things as:

The state of our Nation ( political, moral, financial, etc. etc.)

That George is going to kill my Mexican Heather, by peeing on it every time he goes outside.

That my neighbors might think I'm lazy cause by kitchen window needs to be washed.

That I'm going to get lost in the airport on Thursday.

Thank I'm going to get lost in the airport a week from Saturday.

That nobody is going to read my blog.

That lots of people will read my blog.

That we won't be able to "afford" to get the kids, and grand kids, much for Christmas this year.

That I'm never going to lose weight.

That I'm going to end up in a wheel chair soon.

That I'll never figure out how to use my new camera.

Etc. , etc., etc.

This morning I started worrying about the calendar in my bathroom. It's one of those "page a day" calendars, with a pug on each page, with quotes about dogs. Since I'm going out west to see 3 of my girls and 5 of my grandchildren, should I go ahead and look and all the pages from the 10/30 - 11/whenever it is that I'm coming back, OR, should I wait and look and them all when I get home?

Please John Q. Public - tell me what to do, so that I have one less thing to worry about!

Smiles and Boats

This is one of my beautiful daughters. Want to know what I do to get such a great smile from Sariah-Lynn? Well I'll tell ya - I make her some Bologna Boats. Yup, Blogona Boats. Want to know how I make em? Okay - here goes:

1. Fry up some bologna.

2. Top "boats" with some mashed potatoes.

3. Top suds with some grated cheese.

4. Put them in a 350 degree oven till cheese melts.

5. Enjoy!

What to know how I make her smile even more? I finish the meal with some Rice Krispie Treats. Yup, that'll do it every time.

I love you Sariah-Lynn!

So Sorry Swinella

My dear friend, Becky, pointed out that I had made a GREAT ERROR in my "About Me" section. Horror of horrors - I left out a mention of one of my wonderful 4-legged family members! How could I have forgotten my pot bellied pig?

Swinella Porcina was a wonderful pig. She loved to be rubbed down with baby lotion, and to be "swept" with a broom. She had her own sleeping bag and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle pillow. (Please note that I am not being paid to endorse said pillow by any one at any time and I am mentioning them of my own free will. - Grammer police, please don't come get me!)

"Nella" loved raisins, and dog biscuits, and bags of brown sugar, and pig chow, and watermelon, and... well she loved just about everything except her daily multivitamin. She would even eat tomotoes. - Sidebar - Did you know that years and years ago, it was thought that tomatoes were poisonous because pigs wouldn't eat them? It is rumored that there was an assassination attempt on George Washington... somebody slipped some tomatoes into his dinner - it didn't work. As everyone knows (or does now), good ole George lived to the ripe old age of 67. It is believed, that his death was caused by "a case of epiglottitis", which is an inflammation of the small flap of cartilage at the entrance of the larynx.

My dear pig was not a fan of teenage boys. The neighborhood young gentlemen soon learned the art of running through the house at great speed, and then jumping up onto our dining room table. This was her only fault, as she was a loving swine, the likes never to be seen again.

Swinella - I loved you and miss you. May you chase stinky boys for eternity!
PS - I'll post a picture soon - Promise!

I Love My Dogs

These are my dogs. Gracie on the left - George on the right. My dogs are as much a part of my family as my husband, children, and grand children. My husband and children might "take offence" to this, but I got's to call 'em as I feel 'em!

My dogs drive my family crazy, but they keep me sane. Here's how:

1. They love me, no matter what.

2. They are always happy to be with me.

3. They love me, no matter what.

Okay - I know that my family love me (the two legged members), but I don't think that they always like me. My Dogs Do! They don't care that dinner is late - they are just ever so grateful when they get it. They don't care what I'm wearing, or if I'm having a bad hair day, or if I'm in a bad mood. They just love me, and want to be with me. Day or night, rain or shine, good times or bad. They just love me, and want to be with me! They don't tease me when I talk to myself. They don't tease me about my memory (or lack thereof). They don't get mad at me, or get tired of having me around. They just love me, and want to be with me.

I love my dogs!

Going to the Pumpkin Patch

Today we are going to a pumpkin patch. Seth has carved one already, but he wants to do some more. He LOVES Halloween!

I have to double check my grocery cart before I get to the check out, to make sure that we don't have more halloween stuff than actual groceries! Our house is draped in "cobwebs" and there are plastic skulls atop every bookshelf (and on the mantle).

We are having a Trunk -R-Treat at church tonight and, said son, has elaborate plans for decorating the back of the car with skeletons and spiders. I guess that we will have to hit SAM'S for candy. (Oh How I Wish That I Had Won a Gift Card from Pioneer Woman). - Later, I'll post a picture of our completed little "pumpkin patch"!

And a shout out to Mrs. Howes: H, A, double L , O, W, double E, N, spells Halloween!

Geesh - now that silly song will be running around in my head all day!

Tag Your're It

I'VE BEEN TAGGED!!!

Nothing like it to make you come out of your shell!

Tammy from Treasured Heirlooms tagged me yesterday.

The rules are:

1. Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links. Then let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.I am sure most of my readers will tell you they know more about me than they might like!

Here are 7 random facts about me.

1. I am an animal lover!
2. I 've become addicted to "blog hopping".
3. I have a new camera that is soooooo fancy, I'm scared of it!
4. I love to read!
5. I love the tv show "Corner Gas". One of my daughters wants Oscar to be her grandpa, and we think that Joey could replace Hank, if Dog River was a real town.!!!
6. I HATE people who neglect or abuse animals.
7. I am so technologically challenged, I didn't know how to "link to your tagger", so I just copied and pasted the rules & I don't personally know enought people with "open" blogs, to tag seven other people - Sorry Tammy!