Okay - if these two are laughing, you know this has to be funny.
The following was sent to me some time ago. I opened it up while visiting with one of my daughters. The two of us laughed so hard - we had tears running down our faces.
Hope you all enjoy it as much as we did!
So You Think You're Stupid?
Question: If you could live forever, would you, and why?
Answer:"I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." - Miss Alabama, in the 1994 Miss USA pageant
Quotes:"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean ... I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." - Mariah Carey
"Smoking kills. If you are killed, you've lost a very important part of your life" - Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.
"That low-down scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it." - A congressional candidate in Texas
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." - Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.
"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese." - Charles de Gaull
"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." - Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks
Courtesy of Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle:
"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is." - at a fund-raising event for the United Negro College Fund. (He was attempting to quote the UNCF tagline: "A mind is a terrible thing to waste.")
And more of his Pearls of Wisdom:
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
"I have made good judgements in the past. I have made good judgements in the future."
"The global importance of the Middle East is that it keeps the Far East and the Near East from encroaching on each other."
"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago."
"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."
"Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican."
"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice-president, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history."
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
"It isn't pollution that is harming the environment, it is the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change."
"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here."
"Let me tell you something. As we were walking around in the store, Marilyn and I were just really impressed by all the novelties and the different types of little things that you could get for Christmas. And all the people that would help you, they were dressed up in things that said `I believe in Santa Claus'. And the only thing that I could think is that I believe in George Bush."
"I was known as the chief grave robber of my state."
"I've heard people say that [I have a short attention span]. I don't feel I do, because when I'm interested in something I'll stay in focus as long as it is necessary... If you get off on something I'm not very interested in, it's very easy for me to block it out. It's easy for me to block things out."
"The [Democrats] talked about putting people first. Well, they put people first unless you happen to be a spotted owl or a giant garter snake or some other endangered species and then that seems to have priority. Obviously, you take the bald eagle and things of that sort, of course you're going to make sure that they are saved and that they can live and you're going to take every precaution that you can. But others -- we just need a little flexibility."
"My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will never, never surrender to what is right."
"Unfortunately, the people of Louisiana are not racists."
"If you give a person a fish, they'll fish for a day. But if you train a person to fish, they'll fish for a lifetime."
ACTUAL ANSWERS GIVEN BY CONTESTANTS ON THE GAME SHOW 'FAMILY FEUD:
'Name something a blind person might use - A sword
Name a song with moon in the title - Blue suede moon
Name a dangerous race - The Arabs
Name something red - My cardigan
A number you have to memorize - 7
Something you put on walls - Roofs
Something in the garden that's green - Shed
Something that flies that doesn't have an engine - A bicycle with wings
Something you might be allergic to - Skiing
Name a famous bridge - The bridge over troubled waters
Something a cat does - Goes to the toilet
Something you do in the bathroom - Decorate
A sign of the zodiac - April
Something with a hole in it - Window
A non living object with legs - Plant A domestic animal - Leopard
A part of the body beginning with 'N' - Knee
Month in which pregnancy begins to show - November
OKAY - You don't feel so stupid now, do you? Got any "dumb stories to add? Just leave 'em in comments. The more we have to laugh about, they better we feel!
