In response to my post yesterday At first...having followers gave me a real rush. Wow - people were coming by and reading what I had to say, and they were publicly acknowledging it. Me...a stay at home mom, with only a high school education. Me...an individual, with something to say. Who would have "thunk" it?
ME!
Not my husbands wife, or my kids mother.
ME!
Gosh it stills makes me marvel.
I've always known (deep down) that I had abilities beyond diapering, cooking, and cleaning. I've known that I'm reasonably intelligent, and sometimes funny, and have a few talents here and there. But somehow, I let that part of me get hid under a really big bushel.
After a lot of soul searching (and reading back over a couple of blog posts - thanks Queenie and Robynn and CindyDianne) I think that I've come up with what the really big bushel is...
...I'm FAT.
I've always been overweight...even as a baby!
Let me lay down some ground work here. I was adopted. So was my younger sister (no biological relation). I didn't look anything like my parents, but my sister did. She was darker in complexion. Had dark hair too. AND she was skinny.
Me -I was lilly white, with blond blond hair, and lots of baby fat. Then I was a chubby kid. Then I was a plump (and only plump because I practically starved myself to death in Jr. High and High School) teenager.
Now, I knew that I wasn't ugly, but darn it - I felt ugly.
I married right after high school (bless his heart, my husband has always loved me, no matter what my weight has been), and started having babies...
...and more babies...
...and more babies!
With each and every pregnancy, I got bigger, and bigger, and bigger.
Heaven's, I've been a mess ever since.
No sleep - between the birth of my first child, to the time that our last was 3 years old (19 years)- there was only about a three month period when I had all the kids sleeping through the night.
No exercise - cause I was always so dang tired, and in pain.
Poor eating habits - due to being poor - for a very long time.
The bigger I got, the less I thought of myself.
Okay - back to the issue of followers...
...having them made me feel like I had a voice (and nobody would see that I was fat)!
Then it became a challenge...how many could I get?
And then...ding, ding, ding...A light bulb went off in my head. Could I get enough followers (in my mind this meant readers), so that I could possibly, maybe, do I even dare think it...start advertising on my site and make some spending money?
You see, my earning possiblities outside the home, are pretty slim. Some of my medical issues (like vestibular intolerance = vertego) make me a liability in the work place. And then there's, the lack of work experience, and education- to think of.
I don't HAVE to work. My husband makes a good living...
BUT
...he works so hard, and we are still helping out a lot of the kids/grand kids, and our savings and investments have been wiped out (that's another story all together), and I would like to be able to contribute financially...to help ease the burden.
So - there you have it!
Now, should I just deleate my followers section?
Should I plea for more?
Should I feel bad that others, (who have been blogging less time than I have), have a lot more followers than I do?
I thinking no, to all of the ?'s above.
BUT
I would like to find a way to earn some money through blogging.
AND I would also like to be THIN
But...that's fodder for another post!
What about all of you? How do you feel about followers and following? Any suggestions for improving my site. How about the advertising? I'd really like to hear from you!
Hugs and Kisses...
and The Very Best Wishes
18 comments:
OhMyGoodness, Libby ! I feel the same way about my followers! I'm just gobsmacked that we're so much alike when it comes to this!
No... I take that back... I'm not surprised at all! ;-)
I've had ads for a while now and I'm not getting rich, (yet) but I figured that it all adds up - so the sooner I got started, the better.
Trust me, I would click on you anytime. *wink*
Ermmm... not YOU ! I meant I would click on your ads! LOL!
Brave, brave woman! I think your insight into followers giving you some VALUE of your very own is extraordinarily perspective. Just keep doing what you are doing - success will come to you. You are a kind, considerate, honest, caring person. The followers to be will find you and care about you like the rest of us do.
Libby - Don't even TRY to reach my level of income - I'm at $4.78. Let's see....with the contest....I figure I'm PAYING to write! LOL But the followers bring a lot of joy and validation, as you say, especially the ones you connect with and can count as friends.
And it would be great if people clicked on ads, and I wish they would, but I think most don't. Seems it would only pay off if a blogger had huge volume. I hope that maybe, sometime, I can be commissioned to write something I actually get paid for. Until then, I figure I'm honing my craft. Because truly, I started this for a love of writing and sharing it. If I ever earn money, it will be a shock and a bonus!
I'm glad you're out here and I will never forget your encouragement and generosity toward me. You startled me by liking me enough to promote me. That was a true gift. I always look forward to your posts. :)
Hi Nea!! *waving paws* I love to follow you because you are nutty. Don't ever change. I really believe if you do what you love, success will come to you.
Having six children, 16 grandchildren and four great grandchildren, I can relate to a lot of what you said. Your blog is great. I thought I had added myself as a follower. Apparently, I did not - but now I will.
Hugs,
Sweetie
(This subject and my response/'comment' is something I've been meaning to post about and shoot, it ended up being so dad-gum long, I'm posting it!)
:-)
What a good topic... something I've been pondering for some time now. I'm going to try to keep this short (ha, we'll see). This whole blogging thing. I do it as a way to ?? journal, if you will... to have a ?? keepsake for my daughter to go back and read (I've read that we can save our blogs to a disk if we wanted)... anyway, in the "olden" days, many 'journaled' about their trials and everyday whatnot. I want my daughter to, hopefully, 'hear' my voice someday. Hence, I blog.
ANYway.... blog "followers"... to each his/her own, but for me, I would get too wrapped up in it. I know this... and I don't want that to take time away from my family and other things I should be doing... it's sad, but true... that's why I don't put that "follower" thing up .... I would get all wrapped up in it ... like a weakness... like chocolate. If chocolate is in the house and I want some, I will eat it. No chocolate in the house, oh well. If I had "followers" (I only have 2), but if I put that button thing up and got more or lost any (of my precious two), I will do just what you did- spend energy and time on it... and I worry enough about things that are not in my control, I certainly don't need more.
So, that's how it is for me. If I don't have them ('followers'), I don't have to experience the loss :-) -boy, is THAT sad or what!?!... BUT, also, I don't think I will feel as obligated to post. I've had talks already with myself about my priorities and focus and GET OFF THE COMPUTER.
**sighhh**
I have to say, getting comments is addicting though... it's nice getting strokes. You know rats will starve themselves to death just to get strokes... seriously, I remember in Grad school, a study that looked at rats that had an electrode hooked to the pleasure center of their brain. They could push a lever and get a quick stimulation to that part of the brain. Well, those dad-gum rats died pressing that darn lever. Food and water were available- and they are pleasurable- but not as instant as a push of the lever. Sad.
Okay, so this rat's declining a sort of lever- because I would be too engrossed in it... I'm weak, weak, I say... where's the chocolate?!?
Oh, Libby,
We ALL weigh more than we did when we were younger, and we All wish we didn't. It seems to come with age--and with the amount of stress in our lives!
Next time you feel 'fat' read 1st Samuel 16:7
"...for man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."
And then repeat after me: "it is more important for my heart to be right with the Lord than for my body to be skinny!"
And now, Dear Libby, I think you have a heart of gold! And that's why I like reading your blog so much.
*Hugs*
P.S.
Thank you for your kind comment on one of my recent posts.
I am pulling back a little--not posting quite as often. No more keeping the same hours as my college students! Darn! I hate getting old! :-)
Oh, and that deleted comment above? It was mine. I thought I had commented on the wrong post, so I deleted it. Then I realized it WAS the right post, so I put it back! Sometimes I feel a little technologically challenged. LOL
i love my followers too! i am so honored and touched that people would want to read my little stories and see my funny dog pictures. and i think something is wrong withblogger, this is the third blog i have been to where people have lost followers...i did too!
i hope your recovery is going well.
hugs,
puglette
You really had some serious stuff to get off your chest huh, my dear friend? I can't believe you think so little of yourself? Loosing a follower should not make you loose your self esteem? I lost two myself yesterday! I never understood why they followed me in the first place, so I guess they changed their minds huh?
I really hate how you call yourself FAT, what an ugly word!! So what if you are overweight? Your husband loves you, your children and your grandchildren do? I'm sure they love you just the way you are! And so do we, the READERS of your blog. There are so many blogs I read every day, that I don't follow, and there are "followers" in that list that I don't read. There are blogs I like, who did not quite make it to the blogroll yet, just because I did not get around to it. So? There are many more in my reader, and some more I'd like to add but did not get around to yet. What does it all really mean? Don't let your self esteem depend on that, that's all I'm trying to say here!!! I think what counts far more than followers are people who comment. You get a lot of them each day. Blogging without getting comments would make ME loose my belief in what I'm doing, and eventually it would make me loose my interest in blogging. But such is not the case on my blog, nor on yours.
As for making money through adds, I read a post on Mommisodes, about a year ago. She's very popular, she gets loads and loads of traffic, but she never earned any real money with the adds. It won't make you rich, believe me! Besides, I think those adds are ugly. There, I said it!
Nea,
If I were not already a follower I would certainly sign up today after reading that great post!!!
Don't give up!!!!
I follow certain blogs cause I want them to show up in my reader. Cause I'm lazy. LOL!
Blogs I follow. Welp....whatever I like. There doesnt seem to be a consistent them. As long as I like reading it I keep coming back.
I don't generally click on ads.
I don't discriminate against sites based on whether they are trying to make money or not. Meaning if I like the writing I go and read whether they have ads or not.
I have sites I subscribe to/follow .... and a list of ones that I go see every couple of weeks or so. And a weekly read list.
Some blogs I visit update daily, some weekly, some whenever the urge strikes them.
I'm not really into 'famous' people blogs.
Basically either a blog 'grabs' me and keeps me coming back or it doesn't.
Yours does.
Keep on bloggin chicky momma!
Your post was so touching, Libby. I have issues of my own and so easily get caught up in things like number of comments, followers, etc. I think most of us feel validated when our efforts are noticed and we want to be appreciated for who we are. I haven't gotten into the advertising thing. I think it can have some drawbacks.
I love your blog and admire your humor and writing skills. There's more to blogging success than gatherine followers. Isn't it amazing that people from anywhere in the world can stop by to see what we have to say? Sometimes they comment, sometimes they don't. But we've said what we want to say.
Oh, neas... I love your honesty. And I think, no matter how old we get, there's some part of us that always struggles with the same things we did when we were young. The venues may change, but the core struggles are the same.
As far as blogs and followers and such... I started my blog figuring I and my mom would be the only people reading it... and it IS exciting when people show up. But truly, for me, it's just been a lifeline for friendships and feeling out in the world again. I guess I think if you just keep being YOU, that's what people show up to read.
I guess ads are tricky. I've got them, but I enjoy the comments more. For me blogging is not about money, though a little would be nice ;-) Hopefully that will come over time. It's more about connecting and growing as a person and justifying it (with a little cash maybe). Let's face it, our society ties self-esteem and earning together and there's just not much of a way to escape that as part of our culture. We can reject it if we want, but at the heart of things we need money because we just can't trade for everything we need.
You know, my weight has bothered me for years as those numbers just kept climbing higher and higher. It wasn't until just a few weeks ago that I was finally able to stop and say this is it, no further, it's time to take my life back. I'd complained and moaned for years, but I couldn't actually do anything about it until *I* was ready. Now I'm ready. I'm exercising and dieting and for the very first time in my life the numbers are going down instead of up. I had to get to a place though where I first accepted what I was instead of denying the truth, even to myself, and then to realize that my body was *what* I was, it wasn't *who* I was. Until that moment no progress was possible.
I hope you find your own moment and your own peace, in whatever form is best for you.
PS Re the followers, I don't follow anyone's blog, I use a reader instead :-).
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